“Bean me up, Scotty!” The barista, who happened to have the misfortune of being named Scott, sighed with an immense air of depression, and with it came the silence that could only mean one thing: disdain for one’s fellow human being equally with one’s lacklustre self. “Right away, ma’am,” said Scott at last, and he […]

And finally, without further ado, I lifted that curtain and presented to the crowd a magnificent display of glory. Whatever the terms, whatever the burns on my legs, it would always be a spectacular night. Whatever it may be, whatever the whatevers mean to nothing but whatever, there was once a frog on the stove […]

“Whatever you say…just..,” I hesitated. “Just…don’t say it. Okay?” “Okay.” But the damn tree stump of a dog said it anyway, and I was forever scorned for my brashness and foolishness.

Too many ducks in a row. So I stacked them up into a column. Problem. Solved. Structural integrity (and animal dignity) be damned.

“Please sir, allow me.” I grabbed the sir’s top hat. And then I ran. I ran. Until there was no land left and the sea swallowed my hopes and dreams. But at least I had that hat.

Two beans on the ground. Surface precariously thin. Warming weather creating inconspicuous circumstances. If a tree falls into the ocean, is it a forest or a coral reef. What about the droid attack on the Wookies. Which train should I save off the track if there are two Hummers travelling at 500 kilometres per hour […]

“Here, breathe this in.” And so I did. It smelled somewhat like dandelions and winter melon. But anyway, it was poisonous, which meant I had to die again. Rather inconvenient. If only I had learned my lesson the first time. Regarding breathing in weird things, that is.

“For real, though. I went to the real palace this time around.” I sipped my tea with a great rage and slammed it back onto the table, destroying all the porcelain and China in existence. With some relative care, I picked up the very fancy doily off the floor and flung it into Dryden’s face. […]

“What?!” I turned around to face my adversary, which was a big skateboarding cactus from Tunisia. The very best. Only I forgot to wear my sunglasses today. Which was a bad decision, or lack thereof. “Ack!” I exclaimed upon staring directly at this shiny foe. “What?? You have to speak a little louder!” But I […]

I missed the train this morning. But that’s no problem. I’ll take the next one – it’s just that simple. But what if the train turned out to be a horse-drawn carriage, the contents of which included one baron of some distant European land, a fisherman from one of the isolated Pacific islands, a talking […]